February Made Me Do It

There’s something about February that always feels reassuring to me. All of us made it through shiny-new January with its ultimatums and promises. I mean, who needs that kind of pressure when everyone deals with plenty of it through all the other months of the year?

But February is a blast of fresh, cold air. The second month comes at last and allows us to step back into reality where our goals are simply life goals and not lofty resolutions. It’s exactly why I didn’t set foot in the gym I joined at my office building until today, February 1st. Getting in there any sooner with all the other newbies; well, it felt like jinxing myself. Now, being there among all the usual gym rats; well, it feels like setting myself up for success. The strategy here is blending in, like going to the gym is normal for me.

Along these same lines, I’ve chosen this normal day of February 1st to launch this blog. In the past, I’ve thought about launching it on my birthday or on New Year’s Day or on some other day of significance. It never happened. Truth be told, I’ve owned this URL – iamnotyourmom.com – for enough years to have lost count. I pay the fee to renew it every year and when the receipt shows up, I get the annual pang of guilt and failure. “I need to start that. Someday maybe.” What has been in my way, you ask?…Well, it’s been Life as I’ve known it for a while.

That’s what makes this February even more reassuring. The fact is I’ve made it to this point, a full 6 months after I made some of my biggest, most life-changing decisions so far. Last July, I was forty-five years into my story, and I went and dumped the story on its head. It happened all in a moment of divine clarity I will never be able to explain to anyone, but maybe God himself. He sent the moment to me in the first place, so he might get bored hearing about it again. But like a loving parent does, he will listen and nod enthusiastically as I re-tell it.

…Why “iamnotyourmom.com”? This statement means something to me. You can ask people I know, especially at work, and they’ll tell you I speak it out loud on a regular basis. I repeat it silently inside my head even more often. It’s a mantra that comes to me anytime someone assumes I want to mother them because I happen to be a mother.  Yet there are only TWO people on this planet who can claim me as their Mom and, vice versa, there are only TWO people on this planet I can claim as my children. As for the rest of you – no offense, but no, thank you. I do not want to act like, resemble, pretend to be, or serve as a substitute for your Mom. I am busy being that to The Precious Pair. And I’m busy serving in countless other roles of value: daughter, sister, auntie, niece, cousin, friend, neighbor, classmate, coworker, supervisor, mentor, committee member, ambassador, acquaintance, coffee drinker, wine drinker, gin drinker, stranger who smiles at you at the grocery store, all-around lover of life…

Yes, despite the past 6 months, I remain loyally in that last category.

That’s why I’m desperate to finally introduce you to this project of mine. There are so many things I have to say in the spirit of love, not from a motherly perspective, but from a “middle-aged person who has developed a layer of wisdom, yet has tons more to learn and wonder about” perspective. If you know me at all, you know I love to ask questions. I will drive you crazy with questions, until you’re exhausted answering them. But I do so unapologetically. That’s how I learn. That’s how everyone learns. Let’s start asking some questions together, tough big ones and silly little ones. Both will be fun.

This is not a Mommy blog with recipes and crafts. Those are great and I follow several. This is a life blog written by someone who happens to be a “Mommy” with many other shades and sides; some quite simple and others waaaayyyy more complicated. One of my new favorite Pinterest quotes is “I have a happy personality with a heavy soul. Sometimes, it gets weird.” I couldn’t describe myself any better.

So, welcome to Me. And welcome to You. I’m glad you peeked in to see what this is all about, even when I’m not yet sure myself. Maybe I’ll figure it out by the end of reassuring, no-pressure February. Or at least by the time I pay the fee for this web address again – next time with zero guilt! Or by the time I become a genuine gym rat.

One thing I do know for sure: I am not your mom*.

 

*Hey, you two! You know who you are. Thank you for being my sweet, strong, and beautiful exceptions to this brand. This blog is an old idea of mine powered by a brand-new effort, and it’s fully dedicated to both of you.  

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